Monday, February 3, 2003 10:54 A.M.

Well, itís started. The groundhog predicted that there would be more winter, and the storm has come in response to that. Itís been snowing since about 1 A.M. last night, and now thereís about three inches outside. Thatís good. We need it here. What I donít understand is why the Eastern States have been hit so hard with weather this year. Oh well. Weather is weird.

Monday, February 3, 2003 8:41 P.M.

Youíd be surprised how much a person can focus on their work on a computer when they have a good chair to sit in. I just today got a new chair to sit on in place of the stool I had been using since I broke the last chair, and itís a lot more comfortable to sit in now. And since Iím more comfortable, I donít need to use up as much energy shifting my weight so I donít cramp. But thatís not my purpose for writing today.
I had to deal with something particularly annoying today. Last week I applied for a job at a certain place (to protect the company I wonít name it) that involved selling stuff to people. The advertisement in the Classified section in the newspaper reads quote- ďNo telemarketing or door to door sales.Ē However, after two days of training last week, I realized that is exactly what the job involved. Telemarketing and door to door sales. Though it wouldnít seem like it from the description given in the newspaper and in the interview, the job involves calling people to set appointments and giving demonstrations at their house, tasks which fall into the categories of Telemarketing and Door-to-door sales respectively. And so I quit.
Now donít get me wrong, the company is a well respected company with a great product. I would have stayed with the company if I had the ability to go around to different peopleís houses and demonstrate - which I do not at this time - or I had the patience to wait around on public transportation. But those are things which I do not have, so I had to quit.
Anyway, I went in this morning before the final training session to tell my manager I had to quit, and was deliberately weaving my reasons to hide the fact that I didnít want to work there. Then he had the gall to tell me I was twisting around my reasons, and then to tell me I was wasting his time during time since he trained me, and now I was going to waste more of his time for him to hire a new person. AND he had the gall to tell me I wasnít being truthful (which I wasnít, but there was a reason for that). I didnít want to confront him at that time (partially because I didnít think about it until a couple hours after I walked out), so I just left. However, if I see that same ad in the paper again, I think Iím going to grab a law book from the public library (to back up my facts), and go chew him out about it.
He told me I lied to him when I said in the interview that I had transportation. I did not; in fact he didnít even ask me about transportation. The most that was asked was on the application where it said ďDo you own a car?Ē and I put ďyes, but it isnít currently operational.Ē He told me I had committed to going around to peopleís houses during the interview, when in fact I wasnít completely sure what at all my job involved (namely calling people up and going to their houses), until the second training session. No time before that had it been explained to me in plain black and white that was the task, but more like 55% grey and 45% grey. I lied? No, it was his hiring strategy that was the one that lied.
In closing, once again I stand by their company. I just think they did a horrible job at the business of getting people to apply. I think they, a very successful company, could become more successful if they would clearly spell out what was involved in the job. Until tomorrow, this is J. Millen, signing off.

Sunday, February 2, 2003 11:05 P.M.

I donít understand suicide. People think that they donít need to try to get through hard times, so they decide to kill themselves. Someone - I think one of my school counselors - once said that ďSuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.Ē That is the absolute truth. They think that their problem is so bad that they need to die to get a way from it, when in fact if theyíd just stick with it a little longer theyíd be just fine - and often better than when they started. Also, they believe that everyone elseís life would be a lot better without them around, when in fact if they succeed at committing suicide they leave a living hell for their family, friends, and everyone else to deal with.
Suicide is often tied together with Depression. Most people believe that Depression is a metabolic disorder, caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. I think that is a complete lie. Sure, it is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, but I believe the imbalance is psychological and not biological. I believe that Depression is a massive case of Hypochondria, with the person convincing themselves that they should go depressed. This is evident in the way they go depressed. For example, Iíve known several people that tried to commit suicide because their boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with them. They think that they are so horrible of a person that their lover left them, and that there is nothing left in life for them. What they donít realize that is that these things happen to everyone everywhere, and that, if they would just hold through it, theyíd have the experience to find a person they were more compatible with.
Often youíll get kids that think everyone hates them. Almost always this is caused by them being unruly, unreasonable, rebellious kids that are not pleasant to be around. Because of something they chose themselves, they think that everybody hates them, while they fail to realize that they are not being a normal, nice to be around kind of person.
Sure, there are exceptions to this. There are people out their that have a literal physical composition that causes a chemical imbalance. But for the most part, I believe that Depression is a Hypochondriacal disease.
While Iím on the topic, I think Iíll talk about another disease that I think is false. Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Again, there are people that have a physical defect in their brain that causes the chemical imbalances that belong to these diseases (I know a few), but for the most part itís a lie. Even more so than Depression. Let me explain.
A kid misbehaves in a way that is associated with ADD. The parent sees this, failing to think clearly enough to discipline the child, and goes ďoh no. Letís get him tested for ADDĒ In the mean time, the kid realizes that he didnít get punished for the behavior (which usually isnít severe enough to warrant a punishment anyway, itís just annoying) and so decides to continue it. He getís tested, and by whatever means that they use to test he is declared to have ADD. So then he is prescribed a medicine that is said to help control ADD - usually Ritalin, but sometimes itís something else- and is sent home. Now the kidís doped up on Ritalin, and is continuing the behavior. Thus lies the problem, and the reason I think that ADD is Hypochondriacal. Which means that if a child wants to stop, theyíll stop.
Take me for example. I was diagnosed with ADHD I think when I was six. For a while I took Ritalin, then another drug, then ended up on Dextroamphetamine. If you were to ask my parents, theyíd say it worked. But if you ask me, Iíd tell you the side effects. I was taking the Ritalin in the nighttime, and when my parentís would forget to give it to me, Iíd have a nightmare. Never failed. I didnít get it, and Iíd have the nightmare (itís interesting, because it was always a variant of the same nightmare, which was based on a Commodore game I was addicted to at the time- even though I TO THIS DAY havenít beat it...) I donít remember the second drug, but as I got into ages 10 and older, the Dextroamphetamine, which Iíd take in the morning, would give me severe stomach pain when I didnít get a chance to get breakfast - with nothing happening when I forgot to take the Amphetamine. One day I decided I was tired of the side effects it had on me, so I just quit. My parentís didnít mind much, and since I have noticed no difference in my behavior. I just quit, and nothing happened (which is quite strange since I was taking and Amphetamine...)
I think my ADHD was fictional, as do I think most other cases are fictional.
I am fast approaching the midnight hour, and I must put my computer to rest for now. So until tomorrow, this is J. Millen, signing off.

Saturday, February 1, 2003 10:00 P.M.

The meteorologists say that a storm is coming. One the likes of which have never been seen here in Utah. I say bring it on. I like the rain and snow.
I find it rather interesting how something as simple as the weather can drastically affect how a person feels. For example, several students and one of the counselors I know at my school get sad and slightly depressed on days when itís raining, while I on the other hand am thrilled. I feel better when itís raining than on days when the sun is shining fiercely. Now, itís not that I donít like the sun, but when it doesnít belong it does not belong. Winter is supposed to be a time of snow - especially here in Utah, home of the ďGreatest Snow on EarthĒ - not a time for the spring sun. Which brings a further problem thatís not related to what Iím talking about but itís interesting so Iíll briefly mention it. Here in Salt Lake City, January for the most part was just sun all the time and no snow. However, the air temperature was often very low. This led people to think that they werenít at risk of sun exposure, thereby leading them to think they didnít need any sun screen. And of course, because of this, people got sunburned. My time is quickly expiring, so I will end the discussion here for the moment. But I will pick it up tomorrow, as I still have things to say about it.

  What I'm listening to right now:
"Catch You Catch Me" from Cardcaptor Sakura

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